Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
