Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
