He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
