Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
