i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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