Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
