dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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