i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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