Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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