you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
