I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
