K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
