fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize