that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
