If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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