eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
