I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
