Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
