Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wear drunk well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
