I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
