I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
