My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
