guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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