Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
