i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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