i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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