Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
