I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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