were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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