She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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