I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
