I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
