yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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