Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
