my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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