Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
