I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
