Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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