my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
