I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
People in love make me want to vomit
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
