people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
