I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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