Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm like, not good at living.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
