guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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