Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
