Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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