Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
