The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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