I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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