Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
