RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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