wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
