I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
