Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
