If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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