Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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