I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
