They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
