I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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