I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
