Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
