there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
