The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
